


When the full moon turns white that's when I'll come home

by irimalanuom



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lots of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irimalanuom/pseuds/irimalanuom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For second, Oliver wondered if the look on her face was his fault. If he was the one who broke her, if he was the one who ruined her, because the Felicity he saw in front of him right then was not the Felicity Smoak he knew and loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the full moon turns white that's when I'll come home

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Olicity story but I definitely don't think it'll be the last one. English is not my first language so there might be some mistakes. This is set some time after 2x09. Slade's words made me obsess over what his revenge could mean for Oliver and Felicity and this is one of the scenarios that came to my mind.

_He could feel panic ringing in his ears, making his heart beat faster and getting his blood flowing in his veins. He kept running and running down this never-ending hallway, the walls painted red, like a promise. He ignored the wound in his leg even if it felt like a thousands needles stabbing him repeatedly. He had to keep moving. He had to find her. Fear made his mouth go dry and had him breathing heavier and heavier with every step he took. His throat was burning. He could feel tears stinging in his eyes and his bow felt heavy in his hand. But he couldn't stop. He had to find her._

* * *

In the five years he spent on the island, Oliver had learned to trust his instincts: if you feel like someone's watching you then someone is most likely watching you. If you think something's bad is about to happen, then something bad is probably about to happen. Simple rules that had helped him survive. That's how knew something was off that night: he was hyper aware of his surroundings and had an awful feeling in his gut that just wouldn't go away, so when he walked into the Foundry that night and he found Diggle sat next to Felicity in front of the computer and gently patting her shoulder, he wasn't entirely surprised.

He cleared his throat and they both turned around abruptly.

He almost wanted to ask what was going on, but then he saw her quickly wiping away some tears and he decided against it.

Not because he didn't care, but because he was pretty sure he knew what it was about and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

He failed her. That's what happened.

"Sorry I'm late." he said instead. "Isabel and I had some last-minute business to attend to."

Diggle and Felicity exchanged a knowing glance and Oliver felt the irritation bubbling up.

He knew he wasn't easy to deal with, but sometimes he felt like they ganged up on him almost like his parents used to do when he was a teenager, and he didn't like that at all.

"If you have something to say why don't you just say it?" he spat, clenching his jaw like he usually did when he was annoyed.

"We don't." said Digg calmly, and Oliver was about to point out how much he hated when the other man spoke for both himself and Felicity, when the blonde stood up and took a few shaky steps towards him.

"Can we talk? Alone?"

Oliver was taken aback by the request, but he breathed out a "sure" and turned to Diggle, who simply nodded and stood up.

"I'll be at the bar." he announced, before squeezing Felicity's hand with affection and disappearing upstairs.

Once they were alone, Oliver took her hand in his and he felt her draw a sharp intake of breath.

"Felicity, if this is about what happened the other day, I-"

"It is." she interrupted him. "But it's not just that."

She took her hand away and sat down on her chair again. Oliver knew it was because she felt safer there, next to her screens. It gave her a sense of stability, one that he suspected she needed that right then.

Confused, he took a seat next to her, where Digg had been when he arrived. "What is it?"

Felicity took a deep breath and stared down at her lap. "I'm leaving, Oliver."

He heard the words but he flat-out refused to think about their meaning. "You need a few days? Are your parents alright, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "No, Oliver. I need to leave. The team, the job at QC, everything that has to do with you."

Ironically enough, Oliver felt like someone had shot an arrow right through his heart.

"Felicity, I know things got really messy last week but I-"

"Oliver, no-"

"-can protect you, I promise you-"

"Don't, it's not about that-"

"-I'll keep you safe and I-"

"Oliver!" she shouted and suddenly she had his complete attention again. "It's not about you not being able to protect me. I know you can. It's about me not being able to protect you."

He looked at her questioningly. "What are you-"

"He's coming after me. Slade... He knows where to hit me and I fall for it every single time." she explained, trying really hard not to start crying again.

This wasn't her, she never gave up, Oliver thought.

But she probably also knew she couldn't go on living like that.

Since she'd started working with him, he knew she'd gotten used to living with constant fear, but this was so much worse.

He knew she felt completely powerless against their enemy. He knew it because he felt the same way.

"I'm a liability."

For second, Oliver wondered if the look on her face was his fault. If he was the one who broke her, if he was the one who ruined her, because the Felicity he saw in front of him right then was not the Felicity Smoak he knew and loved.

She looked scared and terribly, terribly sad and there was a bruise on her neck that he hated looking at.

It made him sick to know that someone who used to be his friend was capable of hurting her like that.

"Felicity, you're not a liability. You saved my ass so many times. I- I should have come for you sooner."

She chuckled sadly. "How? You didn't even know I was gone."

He opened his mouth to speak again but she stopped him with a gesture of her hand. "And that's  _my_   fault. He... He made me believe he had you and I didn't think- I didn't even call Digg, I just fell right into his trap."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Right, I forgot that you're the only one who's allowed to be a martyr and beat himself up." she joked, and he almost smiled.

Leave it to her to be able to make him smile even at time like that.

Silence fell between them for a few moments, and then she took another deep breath and spoke again. "I'm not focused. He's getting into my head and he knows he's succeeding. He- he told me what he wants to do to you and I can't-"

He shushed her moved to caress her cheek with one hand. She shivered at the touch. "Hey, I'm gonna take him down."

"I know you are. But in order for you to be able to do that, I need to go." she replied sternly and Oliver could feel frustration starting to rise inside of him. "Why, Felicity?"

She sighed, and it was a tired one. The kind of tired sleep can't fix.

"What do you think?"

His eyes widened in surprise. She didn't say it out loud, but he knew exactly what she was talking about.

He'd known for quite some time.

He'd been clinging to the hope that as long as she didn't say it, he could pretend it wasn't real, that she hadn't fallen in love with such a damaged, tainted person who didn't deserve her at all, and he could act like their relationship was somehow normal or at least as normal as it could be in their circumstances.

But now it was out in the open. Kinda.

"Felicity-"

"You don't have to say anything. You made it pretty clear after Russia that it's not a possibility. And I mean it's not like you're ever gonna stop loving Laurel. She's like the Lady Marian to your Robin Hood. Wow, you actually really do look like Robin Hood and I can't believe I'm rambling at a time like this." she blushed and closed her eyes with a sigh, and he couldn't help but smile once again.

Oliver didn't know if he felt the same way. He knew he felt something, something he'd been trying to fight, but he never actually took time to think about it, because he knew that if he did, he would come to a conclusion he wasn't going to like.

He couldn't afford to fall for anybody. Especially her.

"Laurel and I have been over for quite some time." was all he managed to say, and now it was her turn to chuckle. "You two will never be over."

Oliver watched her free her hair from her ponytail and run a hand through them, and in that moment he just wanted to say it.

He wanted to tell her he hated that she was oblivious to the fact he had feelings for her too, that it killed him not to reach out and touch her every time she looked at him with eyes full of pride, like he was worth so much more than he thought. He knew it wasn't true, but he still liked the way it made him feel.

He wanted to explain to her that when he dreamed, he dreamed about her colorful outfits, her bright nail polish, her perfume, not Laurel.

He didn't really remember when things shifted between them. He just knew it had been a while.

Maybe even before Tommy died.

He desperately wanted her to know that she was the one who always dragged him back up when he fell down, that she was the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, that he didn't know how to go on without her.

But he knew it wasn't gonna change anything.

She was right: Slade was targeting her and wasn't sure he could protect her.

So instead of saying all the things he wanted her,  _needed_   her to know, he just leaned in and kissed her forehead.

It only lasted a few seconds but she gripped his arm so tight he thought she was gonna hurt herself.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked then, and he knew it meant he was slowly coming to terms with the fact that this was real, that she was actually leaving.

"I talked to Barry and he says he can help me get a job in Central City's CSI's IT department. I'll still be hacking in the name of justice, but it'll be legal, so that's new."

His jaw clenched at the mention of Barry.

He knew they were still in touch, but the fact that she turned to him for help made it all too real.

"You're moving to Central City?"

"Just for a while." she confirmed. "Until you beat him, Oliver. Then I'll be back and you won't get rid of me anytime soon."

He nodded and then looked away, not wanting her to see that his eyes were watering.

She did anyway.

"Hey. I'll still help. I just need to do it from a distance. I can't be the reason you get yourself killed."

"Who's the martyr now?" he whispered, and it was more aggressive that he intended it to be.

Felicity noticed his tone and he saw anger in her eyes. "I'm scared for you, Oliver! Do you want me to apologize for that?"

"I'm scared for  _YOU_!" he bit back. "You say he's getting into your head, but what about mine? Don't you realize why he's targeting you?"

"Because of my feelings for you." she replied automatically.

He shook his head. "That's where you're wrong! It's because of  _my_   feelings for  _you_! Because he knows that by breaking you he's gonna break me!"

She blinked several times as she considered it. "Oh."

Alarms started going off in Oliver's head as he realized what he'd just confessed.

He couldn't let that happen, he couldn't let her hope because there was no hope. He knew his path, he was aware of the fact that there was no future for him, but he would've died before robbing Felicity of hers.

"I think you're right." he said then without thinking. "You should probably go."

Hurt flashed through her eyes for a second, and he wished he could've fallen to his knees and begged her to stay.

She stood up and tied her hair in a tight ponytail again. "I'm gonna change my number, my e-mail address, everything. It's not gonna take him long to track me down again, but I'm not about to make it any easier for him. And hopefully he'll think I bolted which is kinda of what I'm doing, actually."

Oliver gave her a sad look. "You know it's not."

She whispered a "thank you" and grabbed her coat.

"I'll leave my new contacts with Diggle, I know you're too lazy to save them in your phone."

He laughed at that, and before he knew it, he was wrapping her into a hug.

For a second she looked startled, but she hugged him back right away, inhaling his scent.

"Whatever you need, Digg and I are here."

"I know."

They pulled away at the same time, and she could feel new tears blurring her vision.

"I'll see you soon, Oliver."

"Sooner than you think." he promised, and with that, she started walking towards the stairs.

"Felicity?" he called before she had time to get out his sight, and the girl turned around.

"Yes?"

"I'll come for you. I'll always come for you."

She didn't say anything in return, she just answered with an awkward military salute, and he could see it in her eyes that she regretted it as soon as she did it.

It warmed his heart in a way he didn't think he was capable of experiencing.

Felicity turned around again and started walking up the stairs, her walk more steady than it was just a few minutes before.

He didn't watch her go.

Instead, he spent the rest of the night focusing on his task, more determined than ever to defeat Slade once and for all, and picturing the moment when he would finally knock on Felicity's door and keep his promise to come for his girl Wednesday and take her back where she belonged.

By his side.


End file.
